My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I smell stomach acid.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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