hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Dick very happy bro
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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