I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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