yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
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I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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