I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
