dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
