booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
