i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
