I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
This house was built for laser tag.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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