whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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