just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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