If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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