I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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