I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
