Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
