We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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