We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
