oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
