Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
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the day after is always just damage control
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
If you need anything just hit me up
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...