I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
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hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
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Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.