I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
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Life is so much better after having sex.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
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how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.