I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
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Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
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She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE