Texts From Last Night

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  (702): View more from Nevada

  I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever

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  (702): I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever http://tfl.nu/c1jo
  Replies (11) Good night (2171) Bad night (1246)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.

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  (484): i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman. http://tfl.nu/dzx3
  Replies (55) Good night (7317) Bad night (1010)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win

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  (702): Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win http://tfl.nu/7mt0
  Replies (10) Good night (3844) Bad night (1260)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...

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  (970): I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house... http://tfl.nu/qa28
  Replies (4) Good night (3599) Bad night (1941)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving

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  (514): i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving http://tfl.nu/yrvc
  Replies (7) Good night (3634) Bad night (1424)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.

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  (843): I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form. http://tfl.nu/qfth
  Replies (5) Good night (2233) Bad night (908)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.

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  (914): Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names. http://tfl.nu/zaoe
  Replies (4) Good night (2609) Bad night (646)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.

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  (937): in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable. http://tfl.nu/kvvg
  Replies (14) Good night (1506) Bad night (708)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.

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  (970): I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk. http://tfl.nu/5c91
  Replies (11) Good night (1290) Bad night (542)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.

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  (972): It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night. http://tfl.nu/xja7
  Replies (0) Good night (452) Bad night (664)
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  (551): View more from New Jersey

  My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie

  (1-551): View more from New Jersey

  You've got post-grad studies written all over you

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  (551): My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie (1-551): You've got post-grad studies written all over you http://tfl.nu/kigg
  Replies (2) Good night (685) Bad night (314)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.

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  (208): One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody. http://tfl.nu/x1xc
  Replies (1) Good night (549) Bad night (360)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.

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  (863): I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable. http://tfl.nu/j0cs
  Replies (0) Good night (363) Bad night (431)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....

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  (618): He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us.... http://tfl.nu/v0bn
  Replies (1) Good night (300) Bad night (207)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.

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  (618): The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there. http://tfl.nu/mol4
  Replies (1) Good night (193) Bad night (151)

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