I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
