You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
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Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet