Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.