Texts From Last Night

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  (708): View more from Illinois

  i effin hate jeff goldbloom.

  (708): View more from Illinois

  but i totally would still bang him

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  (708): i effin hate jeff goldbloom. (708): but i totally would still bang him http://tfl.nu/w2kp
  Replies (32) Good night (1569) Bad night (927)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children

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  (419): this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children http://tfl.nu/wdp5
  Replies (4) Good night (516) Bad night (3521)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  I cut my penus on the lid.

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  (316): I cut my penus on the lid. http://tfl.nu/uger
  Replies (38) Good night (579) Bad night (6194)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.

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  (812): My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here. http://tfl.nu/tf3w
  Replies (17) Good night (705) Bad night (4606)
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  (+33): View more from France

  On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."

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  (+33): On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..." http://tfl.nu/o65f
  Replies (26) Good night (7861) Bad night (1433)
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  (607): View more from New York

  please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already

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  (607): please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already http://tfl.nu/5kxb
  Replies (8) Good night (2891) Bad night (1466)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.

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  (414): Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch. http://tfl.nu/js8y
  Replies (5) Good night (4667) Bad night (721)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.

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  (208): I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind. http://tfl.nu/h3pw
  Replies (8) Good night (5129) Bad night (971)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?

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  (817): Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys? http://tfl.nu/z6j2
  Replies (11) Good night (2048) Bad night (675)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks

  (1-573): View more from Missouri

  the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..

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  (573): just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks (1-573): the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving.. http://tfl.nu/nln8
  Replies (10) Good night (996) Bad night (569)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.

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  (306): I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life. http://tfl.nu/odbf
  Replies (4) Good night (1141) Bad night (484)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.

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  (816): Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion. http://tfl.nu/6cof
  Replies (12) Good night (1060) Bad night (796)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.

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  (440): Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car. http://tfl.nu/ebaa
  Replies (6) Good night (2441) Bad night (801)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.

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  (281): Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky. http://tfl.nu/g7xl
  Replies (1) Good night (694) Bad night (275)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I can give you five reasons its your baby

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.

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  (508): I can give you five reasons its your baby (978): and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl. http://tfl.nu/cjus
  Replies (5) Good night (1205) Bad night (463)

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