my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
