Im at strip club and am horny
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
