It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
