You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
