I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
