is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
