tell your sister to shave her snatch
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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