I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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