At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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