I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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