defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
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He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
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She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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