If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
