I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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