Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
