So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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