i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
