I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
