there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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