So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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