i may or may not be watching the land before time
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
