dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
