My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
