k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
