there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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