I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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