I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
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