I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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