Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
