it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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