textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
