My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
How does it feel to date your dad?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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