ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize