She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
