Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
