I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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