Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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