just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
