i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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