I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
