I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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