sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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