Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
