I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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