We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Someone signed my nipple.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
