We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
