Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
