Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
