I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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