i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
