it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she told me i tasted like america
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
