Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
