I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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