moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras