Already got asked if we're dating
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way