Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass