Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going