Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"