I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?