I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...