If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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