I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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