Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She told me I should be a condom model.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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