You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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